Be on the look out for a short, about 2 feet high, 20 inch long, Shih Tzu, wearing a white and spotted brindle haired coat. An incident reported at a local home and investigated last week uncovered the following information filed at the FBI headquarters. The report reads as follows: "Just because he's cute doesn't get him off the hook, let's face it the dog is an addict," was a recent comment overheard by this investigator when observing said animal. Apparently, the dog is known for his disarming and loving personality coupled with extended periods of good behavior providing a very deceptive cover for the crimes he commits. "His personality and demeanor is allowing him access to valuable items," another comment made at the residence where this canine can be found currently dwelling in a tan kennel. "This look is exactly the problem, pretending to be all innocent when you know darn good and well it's this dog's cover." Going by the name of Scooter aka "Luigi" Mo said dog will only obey commands when treats are included in the summons to obey. The local FBI (Fido Behavior Institution) lists Scooter as "armed and dangerous." His MO (modus operandi) is to play and be cute, coupled with a wagging tail and the licking of hands and faces which renders humans, useless, ineffective, off guard, and unprepared for the damage he can inflict when gone unnoticed and undetected. His most recent crime, which his owners, although insured, hope will only run in the $10's of dollars, is chewing a sizable gash in the leg of a very expensive and relatively new coffee table while his mistress was under the influence of Vicodin and his master was asleep in the LaZBoy. Additionally, his addictive chewing has personally cost him numerous toys that had to be destroyed, an upset stomach from swallowing indigestible items, vomiting, and rejection and disdain from more mature canines.
The FBI suggest immediately imposing sanctions on this innocent looking animal, such as saying "NO!" loudly and emphatically while simultaneously withholding all treats. They also censured his owners reminding them that he is ONLY ten months old and therefore is subject to fits of teething and uncontrollable urges to gnaw on anything within his range of travel. Imposed sanctions against the owners include never leaving Scooter alone, never again being under the influence of a controlled substance and never falling asleep or talking on the phone, while leaving the animal unsupervised. Supervised daily visits have been approved for the time being on a regular basis however, animal rights activists say that this may cause Scooter to feel marginalized and act out even more unacceptable and bad behavior in the future. FBI officials remain guardedly optimistic and say only time will tell whether Scooter is rehabilitated and able to be mainstreamed into normal canine society. The owners have decided to remain loyal dog lovers for an extended period of time. No other charges are pending.
1 comment:
THIS is why you need to write!!! Too funny mom!
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